The Full Moon in AriesIs Asking: Where Have You Called Yourself Selfish?

IWords that no longer fit

I have often thought about the importance that the meaning we give to words has in each person’s life. And even this thought feels difficult for me to explain.

I remember that the first time this little light switched on in my head was in adolescence, probably following a conversation about free will. I remember thinking: “We talk so much about freedom, but does it actually exist? Or is it just a utopia?”

Because the truth is: we’re all conditioned from the start. By the family we’re born into. By the culture, the language, the economic reality. By the simple fact of being born at all.

So one of two things must be true: either there is no word for this concept — because the thing itself doesn’t exist as we imagine it — or we’re using the word “freedom” to describe something else entirely.

From then on, I started to pay more attention to the words we use to describe our lives. Words that seem simple because they are part of our everyday vocabulary, but that, when we stop to think about them, become too big, too complex, or even insufficient.

Freedom is one of those words. So is selfishness.

IISelfishness, or self-preservation?

I identify strongly with individuality. There’s a deep sense — even a need — for my own space, my own logic, my own way of processing things.

But at the same time, I increasingly feel that I have a mission, or an obligation, towards the collective. Not in a vague, inspirational way. But in a very concrete sense: I notice patterns, I analyse structures, I want to understand how things fit together — and then I feel responsible for saying something about it.

This creates tension. Because the more I honour my individuality, the more I feel pulled towards the collective. And the more I engage with the collective, the more I need to protect my individuality.

Finding my voice again has been a beautiful, challenging and revealing mission over the past few months.